Shriek Elegance

Wow. I spiraled into a knot of self pity randomly today.

What the hell. That’s pathetic. XD

I want to write something. I blame Craig. I will try to write it tomorrow night or something.

So I’ve been up to my neck in readings and essays and homework and shit. Thus my lack of updating. I still don’t really have much to say.

Gerri’s dad was arrested today. :)

I’m hoping to take up doodling again. Inspired by English class. :P I should start dragging my sketchbook around for random reasons in case I feel like drawing. Or something. Yeah. I need to get proper drawing pencils. ;-; I’ve got some ebony pencils kicking around somewhere. Mmmm ebony.

I think my allergy injections may be starting to make me sick. This is not good. I’ll give it another couple of months to test my theory.

I bought Lair and Heavenly Sword. Both are fabulous and pretty pretty.

Yeah I thought I had motivation to update tonight but I don’t. That’s all you get for now, kiddies.

If someone you thought loved you a lot and whose feelings you reciprocated told you that life wasn’t worth living anymore, how would you feel? Useless. Helpless. Worthless. Unreal. Too real. Numb. A plethora of a plethora of other adjectives and their various synonyms I currently can’t recount. I seriously feel like I’m in a dream. A very bad, very unfair dream.

But that doesn’t matter. I’m not really sure what hurts more. That he’s given up, or that I don’t matter enough anymore. And he’s so goddamn stubborn that I can’t get through to him. He just won’t listen to me. And he won’t talk about it. And he’s going to break the promise he made to me.

I don’t know what to do except cry.

My shift tonight will not be enjoyable.

[10:45pm]

Crisis averted. Maybe.

I am reminded that he is dying. I’ve already done this dance once before. I hate that I have to do it again.

Today, I bought a PS3.

I have an ungodly amount of homework to do.

My family has gone out of town for five days.

That is all I really have to say about life right now.

This is becoming an issue.

I’m exhausted.

Work yesterday was retarded. I have whole new reasons to dislike John.

After work/Superbad today, I have to… read/journal on Gunslinger Girl, read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, take more notes on the Philosophy text, take any notes on the Anthropology text, work on my essay, go crazy.

Let the marathon begin.

Dropping the jam jar, glass in my toast, buckets of homework, bad, bad, bad news.

Today fucking sucks.

I miss Grant.

Have you ever felt your heart break?

I don’t care for the feeling one bit.

[edit]

By the way, I fucking love the various soundtracks to the various Ghost in the Shells like you couldn’t even imagine. Absolutely gorgeous.

Saturday night at Tara’s was full of good times. Two TVs and a large projection screen were all lined up in a row with seven various gaming consoles hooked up to them. Yessss.

Sunday at Tyler’s was nice. Getting together with everyone was fab.

Monday at Shay’s “painting party” was LOL ’cause we didn’t actually do any painting. We were just sent on errands (GROCERY SHOPPING YESSSSS XD) and then we made dinner for them and and and yeah.

School’s been going alright so far.  All of my profs are alright. My favorites appear to be my English (Eggleston) and Japanese Studies (Spies) profs. So funneh funneh.

So for Monday I need to read Beowulf and for Tuesday I need to read Fruitsbasket and Chapters 1 and 2 of my Anthropology text. Hope I’m feeling studious tomorrow :/

I have other depressing things I could talk about but I don’t wanna. :D

So I started randomly daydreaming about what life will be like in ten or twenty years and all I could think about was Lee. Am I going to be stuck with him forever? Am I a heinous bitch for wanting to not have to take care of him ever again?

I dunno. Living with him is enough. I don’t think I’m willing to be stuck with him for the rest of my life.